1 00:00:02,627 --> 00:00:06,089 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,091 [sighs] 3 00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:11,177 {\an8}♪ I want to break free ♪ 4 00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:16,099 {\an8}♪ I want to break free ♪ 5 00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:20,602 {\an8}♪ I want to break free from your lies ♪ 6 00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:22,980 {\an8}♪ You're so self-satisfied ♪ 7 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,191 {\an8}♪ I don't need you ♪ 8 00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:29,029 {\an8}♪ I've got to break free ♪ 9 00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:33,366 {\an8}♪ God knows ♪ 10 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:38,204 {\an8}♪ God knows I want to break free ♪ 11 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,958 {\an8}♪ I want to break free ♪ 12 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:44,960 [sighs] 13 00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:47,880 {\an8}Ah, the joy of a completed to-do list. 14 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,716 {\an8}Shall we celebrate by cracking open an amontillado? 15 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:54,636 {\an8}Uh, sir, you had that cask of amontillado walled off two days ago, 16 00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:55,804 {\an8}along with the salesman. 17 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:56,889 {\an8}[knocking] 18 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,975 {\an8}Are you still considering the cask of the month club? 19 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:02,227 {\an8}After three months, it pays for itself. 20 00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:04,104 {\an8}I'm thinking about it. 21 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,982 {\an8}Anyway, Smithers, a tasting. 22 00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,319 {\an8}What about this 1945 bordeaux? 23 00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:13,405 {\an8}[chuckles] Yes. That could give my palate a little party. 24 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:14,866 {\an8}Palate, have at it. 25 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:19,203 {\an8}- Ooh. How I miss extra-venous fluids. - [swishing] 26 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:22,081 {\an8}Mmm. You're getting notes of cigar smoke, saffron. 27 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:25,042 {\an8}- Oh, sandalwood. - Yes, yes. All of those. 28 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:28,962 {\an8}[slurps] And cupcake frosting from a child's birthday party 29 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,548 {\an8}with notes of petting zoo on the finish. 30 00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:34,301 {\an8}Ooh. I'm getting a little tipsy. 31 00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:38,389 {\an8}Make sure you take two aspirin and drink plenty of water before I go to bed. 32 00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:42,476 {\an8}[Lenny whimpers] 33 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,269 {\an8}What is it? What do you hear, boy? 34 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:47,189 {\an8}Dress shoes on linoleum. It's Smithers. 35 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:51,027 {\an8}Whenever he comes down here, he wants someone to stay late and do extra work. 36 00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:57,366 [whimpering] 37 00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,618 Homer, it's one taquito. It's not worth it. 38 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,745 No snack left behind. 39 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:03,872 I'll tell your story. 40 00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:05,040 [microwave dings] 41 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,416 Simpson, come with me. 42 00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:09,129 - [groans] Can I bring my taquito? - No. 43 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:15,134 Mr. Burns wants to impress his wine club, so he paid a million dollars 44 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:19,180 for a very special bottle of Gevrey-Chambertin once owned by Napoleon. 45 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:23,977 Whoa. Just like the laundry pods they lock up at the Kwik-E-Mart. 46 00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:27,479 [Homer] Wow. 47 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,648 Turns out Napoleon fought the Battle of Austerlitz 48 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:33,068 just because he'd heard there was an extraordinary bottle of red there. 49 00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:36,655 And you need my expert skills to keep watch over it. 50 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,741 No, I need you to ride in the back with it as a human airbag. 51 00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,326 Ooh. "Human." 52 00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,744 [phone rings] 53 00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:45,581 Smithers, I coughed up my Adam's apple. 54 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,167 Not again. I'm on my way, sir. 55 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:52,171 Simpson, I need you to bring the Napoleon wine directly to Mr. Burns's mansion. 56 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:56,008 This is the most important job you've ever done in your entire life. 57 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,260 I'm glad to have earned your trust. 58 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,971 If there were anyone else on Earth I could ask, I would. 59 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,055 Thank you. 60 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:05,018 [Mr. Burns] Hurry, Smithers. Now ants are circling it. 61 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:09,146 Okay, just get the bottle back to Mr. Burns. 62 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,149 First, select the least bumpy route. 63 00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:14,401 [shrieks] Where did it go? [gasps] 64 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:18,948 And now it is my great honor to christen this ship. 65 00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,325 - [grunts] - Well, I never-- 66 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,912 No, wait, this did happen once before. 67 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,374 Mazel tov! 68 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,210 [grunts] Ow. 69 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:39,635 [stammers] 70 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:40,720 [sighs] 71 00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:44,891 [grunts] 72 00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:53,398 [guns pumping] 73 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:54,567 [triggers cocking] 74 00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,569 - [grunting] - [pellets clattering] 75 00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,822 Oh, man, I'm so far from Mr. Burns's mansion. 76 00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,074 Where even am I? 77 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,911 I'll give you a hint, dumbass. You live here. 78 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:06,579 Give me another hint. 79 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,373 Okay, Homer. You've got a million-dollar bottle of wine. 80 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,333 For once in your life, don't be stupid. 81 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:13,211 Put it somewhere safe. 82 00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,587 Safe, safe... 83 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,423 Wait, a safe. 84 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:26,556 Safe. So this is what being smart feels like. [chuckles] 85 00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:30,143 I'll reward myself with a quick garage nap in the car-- 86 00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:32,647 I'll just turn it on to keep warm. 87 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:35,774 No, staying smart. 88 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,526 [snores] 89 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,696 Huh? What-- Oh, no. I need to get to Burns's mansion. 90 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,030 You're exhausted. 91 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:44,283 At least eat dinner before you go. 92 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,202 Mmm. This is the best stew ever. 93 00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:48,495 Oh, it's nothing special. 94 00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:51,623 Just beef, carrots, onions, garlic, and bay leaves. 95 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:52,958 Well, it's delicious. 96 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,127 Oh, and some wine. 97 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,795 What kind of wine? 98 00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:01,301 I didn't wanna use the good $9 bottle, so I just used this old one. 99 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,593 [shrieks] 100 00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:08,349 How? No, no. I was smart. I was smart. So smart. 101 00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:13,521 What? I don't understand. It's still locked. 102 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,482 - [Homer] Huh? - Hey, Homer. 103 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,484 {\an8}What the hell kind of safe is this? 104 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:21,945 {\an8}Remember? You punched a hole in the wall 105 00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:24,656 {\an8}when Major League Baseball added the pitch clock. 106 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,659 {\an8}I like my sports slow, and they knew that. 107 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,244 Marge, you don't understand. 108 00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:32,456 That wine you used in the stew was Burns's wine. 109 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:35,250 It cost a million dollars. 110 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:38,420 Oh, no. No. No, no, no, no, no. 111 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:40,422 A million dollars? 112 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,090 A million dollars. 113 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:45,385 I don't want stew. I want mac and cheese. 114 00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:47,722 - Eat your million-dollar stew! - [Bart grunts] 115 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:50,683 [Bart gags] 116 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:55,521 You used all of the million-dollar wine? 117 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,398 It's what the recipe calls for. 118 00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:00,484 You should have written your name on the bottle. 119 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:03,362 Like I do with that special tea that makes me regular. 120 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,865 Regular? You didn't go the whole time we were in the Wisconsin Dells. 121 00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,034 That's why I got the tea. 122 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,036 That I label. 123 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:14,373 Simpson, why haven't you delivered the bottle to Mr. Burns's mansion? 124 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,877 Before I answer that, try some of this delicious stew. 125 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,880 Mmm. The onions, the garlic, 126 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,341 the red wine from the 19th century. 127 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:27,219 [groans, screams] 128 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,678 It's not what you think. 129 00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:32,432 Marge cooked the wine into stew. 130 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,727 Stew that we ate. 131 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:39,606 Uh, if you need to strangle the boy for a minute, that's what he's here for. 132 00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,316 Eh. It's what I bring to the table. 133 00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:45,278 Oh, God, this is going to take Mr. Burns to a horrifying level of fury. 134 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,531 He built this lumber mill just to kill us. 135 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,574 [Homer chuckles] Oh, that explains it. 136 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:53,453 Waylon, Homer really did try to keep it safe. 137 00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:55,330 This is all my fault. 138 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,459 I can't believe I was undone by Marge Simpson. 139 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,545 - [sobs] - [Marge sighs] 140 00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,713 Mmm. Hmm? 141 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:09,636 Okay, I know things look kind of bad, but there is a way out of this. 142 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:12,889 This isn't "kind of bad." This is a catastrophe. 143 00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:16,726 If I may, for you, catastrophe is a new thing, 144 00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:19,980 but for me, it's just another day at the office. 145 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,691 What the hell are you talking about, you incompetent nitwit? 146 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,901 [chuckles] Oh, Smithers, Smithers, Smithers. 147 00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:26,069 Let me explain. 148 00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,405 Maggie, my note? 149 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:32,868 ♪ In the course of my long life I've learned a golden rule ♪ 150 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:36,956 ♪ To escape the blame and avoid the shame When I've been an utter fool ♪ 151 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,042 ♪ I simply cover it up ♪ 152 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,420 - Cover it up? - Cover it up? 153 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,380 ♪ Cover it up, cover it up ♪ 154 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,632 ♪ Lost her wedding ring one winter ♪ 155 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,509 ♪ Cover it up, cover it up ♪ 156 00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:53,763 ♪ Made one with a 3D printer Cover it up, cover it up ♪ 157 00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,974 ♪ I cut down Flanders's cherry tree ♪ 158 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,726 ♪ And then did tell a lie ♪ 159 00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:02,689 ♪ I blamed it on some teens Who were wedgying this guy ♪ 160 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,065 Neck high. 161 00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,151 - Cover it up. - Cover it up. 162 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:10,155 {\an8}♪ I can't recall the lyrics To the verse I'm singing now ♪ 163 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,324 ♪ Who cares? I'll make some new words up ♪ 164 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:16,995 {\an8}♪ Shmer boo la tee na fow ♪ 165 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,872 I love you, Spingfield! 166 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:23,127 ♪ Trick the red light camera When you're rushing to get home ♪ 167 00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:27,547 ♪ Forgot to bring a doggy bag? Just use a garden gnome ♪ 168 00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:31,801 ♪ I've caused so many meltdowns So I used my little fix ♪ 169 00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,845 We know you caused those meltdowns. 170 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,139 No, you only knew of six. 171 00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,267 - ♪ Let's fix my wife's-- not my-- mistake ♪ - ♪ Cover it up ♪ 172 00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:41,686 ♪ And fill this fancy jug with fake ♪ 173 00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:42,771 ♪ Cover it up ♪ 174 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,523 ♪ Make a whoo-hoo out of a d'oh ♪ 175 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,815 ♪ Just cover it up ♪ 176 00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:51,112 ♪ Cover it up And they'll never even know ♪ 177 00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:52,490 [all] Cover it up! 178 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:59,704 [sighs] I can't resist a musical number that advances the plot. I'm in. 179 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,665 But how do we cover this up? 180 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,083 It's not gonna be easy. 181 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:05,377 Mr. Burns is planning to pour the Napoleon wine 182 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,672 for some of the most discerning wine connoisseurs in the world. 183 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,466 You know, wine is basically just chemistry. 184 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:15,638 Maybe you need someone who knows all about the chemistry of alcohol. 185 00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,183 Wine's the red one, right? 186 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:23,728 Well, I understand your dilemma, but I am right in the middle of an experiment 187 00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:27,315 to develop the proverbial six-pack abdominals. 188 00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:28,733 [electricity crackles] 189 00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:29,651 [both gasp] 190 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,987 I know, but it's what the ladies want. 191 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,781 Mmm. I think they just want someone who listens. 192 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,158 Well, I don't have a contraption for that. 193 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:41,496 Professor, maybe if I rephrased it like this. 194 00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:42,414 ♪ Cover it up ♪ 195 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,499 Flavin! 196 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:51,840 Uh, well, based on my analysis of the last drops of the stew-ified Napoleon wine, 197 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:55,302 I've created a replica out of diammonium phosphate, 198 00:09:55,303 --> 00:10:00,182 calcium carbonate, and 14 ccs of Manischewitz. 199 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:01,683 [sniffs] 200 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:02,934 [slurps, swishes] 201 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,645 Mmm. That's... [stutters] That's amazing. 202 00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:06,938 So we did it? 203 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,023 We did it. 204 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,275 [stammers] I did it, yes. 205 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:14,863 And now, just to ensure I've removed the radioactive isotope 206 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:18,534 found in all wines made after the dawn of the nuclear age. 207 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,286 Perfect. 208 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,621 [Geiger counter clicks] 209 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,747 [clicking intensifies] 210 00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:24,664 [clicking stops] 211 00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:27,459 - [clicking] - Uh, should I be worried about that? 212 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,419 Are you planning on having children? 213 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,296 I never planned any of my children. 214 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,382 [stammers] Well, it is what it is. 215 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,218 I call to order this meeting with our credo: 216 00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:41,389 never drink something younger or date something older than you. 217 00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,058 [all] To pointless excess. 218 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,476 And now, the main event. 219 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,479 A bottle of wine once held by Napoleon himself. 220 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,148 So raise a glass and bend an Elba. 221 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:51,900 [laughing] 222 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,445 Smithers, release the cork. 223 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,365 Moment of truth. 224 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:02,036 You know, our marriage really could use fewer moments of truth. 225 00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:06,916 Now, that's million-buck Chuck. 226 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:11,670 Complex with a hint of doi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing! 227 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,130 - [sipping, slurping] - Mmm. 228 00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:16,174 The cover-up worked. 229 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,302 And tonight, we'll have cover-up sex. 230 00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:21,763 Oh. It'll be my first. 231 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,015 [chuckles] No, it won't. 232 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,644 I can't believe we pulled that off. 233 00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:30,355 I feel a little guilty and a little scared, 234 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:33,483 like the first time I fast-forwarded through a commercial. 235 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:34,734 Don't feel bad. 236 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:36,903 With the money those billionaires spend on one bottle, 237 00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,697 they could buy every poor person in the world 238 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,241 an inexpensive but very drinkable rosé. 239 00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,410 Those monsters. 240 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,494 They are. 241 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:46,037 And I do their bidding. 242 00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:48,123 [cries] 243 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:51,042 I'm just as bad, if not worse, because I know better. 244 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,086 I'm even starting to look like Mr. Burns. 245 00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,255 Hump! 246 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:59,008 Sometimes I feel like I've only got this much soul left. 247 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:00,176 Don't worry, Waylon. 248 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,512 There's plenty of soul where that came from. 249 00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:07,267 {\an8}You know, we've still got a lot of this Frinky drinky. 250 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:13,189 {\an8}Think how many wrongs we could right if we sold just one more million-dollar bottle. 251 00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:15,442 {\an8}Are you slurring what I think you're slurring? 252 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:16,526 Yes. 253 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:20,280 What if we sell fake wine to the rich to give to the poor? 254 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,949 Like Robin Hood. 255 00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,547 [snoring] 256 00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:42,594 Hmm? [grunts] 257 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,138 [exclaims] 258 00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:45,973 [mutters] 259 00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:47,767 [grunts] 260 00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:00,570 I'm cleansing my soul. 261 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,406 And I'm getting out of the house. 262 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,116 [gavel strikes] 263 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,660 [bidders murmuring] 264 00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:08,661 We're doing this. 265 00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:11,748 We're actually going to Robin Hood a bottle of fake wine. 266 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:14,834 Look at all these mega-rich wine connoisseurs. 267 00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:18,338 I've never seen so many people not wearing baseball caps. 268 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,840 That's Jim Sprawlton, from the Sprawl-Mart fortune. 269 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,676 And from Sam's Club, there's Marcus Club himself. 270 00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:24,761 Oh. 271 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:28,932 I can ask him to bring back Marcus's Choice Cinnamon Apple Dryer Sheets. 272 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,768 There's Francis Ford Coppola and Andrew Lloyd Webber, 273 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:34,646 the most surprisingly straight wine collector in the world. 274 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:38,900 And he's next to Robert Parker, who invented the 100-point wine ranking scale. 275 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:42,862 I will buy this Napoleon wine with the money from the music that I write. 276 00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:45,824 The money from "The Music of the Night." 277 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,369 I rate this conversation a 36. 278 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:52,330 {\an8}Next up is the last known wine owned by Napoleon, 279 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,666 {\an8}offered for sale by an anonymous owner. 280 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,875 {\an8}I open the bidding at-- 281 00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:58,169 One million dollars. 282 00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,671 1.5 million. 283 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,507 Wh-- I'm sorry, I have a call from my accountant. 284 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,300 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 285 00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:05,385 I bid nothing. 286 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,512 Uh, 1.5 million. 287 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:08,638 Two million. 288 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:09,889 Two million? 289 00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:12,141 That's, like, 20,000 100's. 290 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:14,394 {\an8}Going once. Going twice. Sold. 291 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,479 - [gasps] - [gasps] Ah! 292 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,440 Slowly, deftly, losing shall caress you. 293 00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:23,027 Hear it, feel it, secretly depress you. 294 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,737 You did Cats, right? 295 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,489 What the hell was that? 296 00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:28,492 And why do I love it? 297 00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,660 We did it. 298 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:34,247 This money is going to right so many wrongs. 299 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:38,167 Thank you, Marge. For the first time in my life, I feel free. 300 00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:39,253 [guns cocking] 301 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:44,633 You are under arrest for the high crime of wine forgery. 302 00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:51,640 [whip cracking] 303 00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,481 You will be housed here in wine jail 304 00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:03,401 while you await your trial in Springfield Wine Court. 305 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,360 Wine court? 306 00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:09,198 Yes, wine crimes are too sophisticated for the undeveloped legal palate 307 00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,450 of the American system. 308 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:13,995 She sold a champagne that was actually a prosecco. 309 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:18,541 He called his wine a Beaujolais nouveau, but there was nothing nouveau about it. 310 00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:21,794 And he's in solitary for his own protection. 311 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:25,298 We don't take kindly to oenophiles here. 312 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:29,802 And here is where we house our worst offenders, wine counterfeiters. 313 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,639 Come back later to try our toilet wine. 314 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:36,393 We are trying to recreate a 1974 San Quentin. 315 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:41,649 Here's your cell. 316 00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:44,233 Does the gentleman find it suitable? 317 00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:46,737 Why do they always ask the man? 318 00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:53,493 Oh, Homie, Homie, I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm in jail. 319 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:54,911 [scoffs] Marge in jail? 320 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,079 Please. 321 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,499 This is like that phone scam I almost fell for last month. 322 00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,875 That was really me. 323 00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:04,504 I had to walk home from the airport because you wouldn't believe me. 324 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,839 Then this is Marge. You're in jail? 325 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,007 [cries] Yes. 326 00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:11,552 Waylon and I faked and sold another Napoleon wine. 327 00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,304 Well, this is crazy. 328 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:19,018 You're in jail for booze, and I'm at home watching the kids. 329 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:20,311 Time's up. 330 00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:23,272 [whimpers] I've got to go. I miss you all so much. 331 00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:24,482 I love you. 332 00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,566 [belches] 333 00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:28,612 Oh. Mommy loves you too, Maggie. 334 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:38,621 Wine court is modeled after the quirky French legal system. 335 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:43,543 It's based on every defendant's right to a certain, mmm, je ne sais quoi. 336 00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:45,753 How do you know about all this? 337 00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:49,173 Oh. Wine Court TV plays all day in most gay bars. 338 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:52,593 Your Honor, this is a case of shocking fraud 339 00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:55,179 perpetrated by the worst kind of scammers. 340 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:58,808 Do we seriously believe that a wine owned by Napoleon 341 00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:02,271 was found by an executive assistant and a homemaker? 342 00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,857 They're simple, ignorant philistines. 343 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,694 Mrs. Simpson, please tell the court your recipe for sangria. 344 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:13,407 Two parts Duff Wine Cooler to one part grape popsicle. 345 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,116 [gasp] 346 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:18,370 Oh, no, Marge, you stupid lady. 347 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,706 Homie, I might be going to jail for years. 348 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,333 Promise me you'll take good care of the kids. 349 00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:27,755 Honey, you know I can't make that promise. 350 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,720 I wonder if Homer is looking at the same moon. 351 00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,098 [shatters] 352 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:43,853 Marge was always here... [cries] ...to dry and put away. 353 00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:44,771 [shatters] 354 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,190 This is all my fault! 355 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:51,194 ♪ They covered it up They covered it up ♪ 356 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:54,238 ♪ And I lost my sweet and loving wife ♪ 357 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,156 Wait, what? 358 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:59,368 ♪ I can't cover it up, can't cover it up ♪ 359 00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:04,123 ♪ She might do 20 years to life ♪ 360 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:06,960 You said Mom was in Santa Barbara with friends. 361 00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,129 Kids, your mom's not in Santa Barbara. 362 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:11,464 She's in wine jail. 363 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:14,217 There's no such thing as Santa Barbara. 364 00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:17,220 Dad, you've gotta find a way to get Mom out of jail. 365 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:20,389 You've gotta cover this up. It's the only thing you're good at. 366 00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:23,601 No. The only thing I'm good at is nothing. 367 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,313 I will never cover up again. 368 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:33,069 Ladies, gentlemen, and bored-looking cat in a turtleneck. 369 00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,987 [purrs] 370 00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:39,200 The wine we're accused of faking tastes exactly like the real thing. 371 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:43,079 So, if no one can tell the difference, how is that a crime? 372 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,997 - [all murmur] - She's got a point. 373 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:47,876 Your Honor, this is a case with legs. 374 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:51,337 Pun intended on "legs," but not on "case." 375 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:54,006 Wine is much more than a beverage. 376 00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:57,093 For centuries, it has told the story of civilization. 377 00:18:57,094 --> 00:19:00,263 Whenever something is that rare, unique and beautiful, 378 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:04,058 it is attacked by greed and fraud at every turn. 379 00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:06,644 Thus it is our responsibility 380 00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:12,441 to ensure that this jewel of our society keeps its integrity intact. 381 00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:13,652 [meows] 382 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,903 I have reached a decision. 383 00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:17,155 [sighs] 384 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,239 [Maggie sucking pacifier] 385 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:22,703 I declare the fake wine in question to be real. 386 00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:24,412 Case dismissed. 387 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:25,330 [all gasp] 388 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,544 I don't know what just happened. 389 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,421 Oh, allow me to explain. 390 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,383 I bought something more valuable than any bottle of wine, 391 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,343 - the judge. - You bribed her to save us? 392 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:43,097 [chuckles] I wasn't saving you, Smithers, and, uh, your wife. 393 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,348 I was protecting the myth 394 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:47,518 that the possessions of the obscenely wealthy are remotely worth it. 395 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:51,689 If that bottle was exposed as fake, skeptical eyes might look to fine art, 396 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:55,026 such as my Vermeer, Girl with a Pearl Nose Ring. 397 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,696 Or my Bible signed by Jesus. 398 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:02,283 And it's all thanks to this fine fellow who alerted me to your predicament. 399 00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:04,535 - Homer, you-- - Covered it up. 400 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:08,122 But, Dad, you said you were never gonna cover up again. 401 00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:11,292 Well, I tried not to, but covering up is all I know. 402 00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,711 So I went to the king of cover-ups. 403 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:18,090 Who do you think hid all that nuclear waste under Denver's airport? 404 00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:20,552 - This guy. - Oh, you. 405 00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,848 Great. We were saved by an evil deed 406 00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:29,185 from the man whose evil deeds we were trying to un-evil. 407 00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:34,565 But, Waylon, our whole drunken plan was to use bad money to do good things. 408 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:36,318 {\an8}And now we can. 409 00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,111 - Robin Hood? - Robin Hood. 410 00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:40,571 [spine cracking] 411 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,740 ♪ 'Cause I'm having a good time ♪ 412 00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:43,741 ♪ Don't stop me ♪ 413 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,660 ♪ Yes, I'm having a good time ♪ 414 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:50,122 ♪ I don't wanna stop at all, yeah ♪ 415 00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:54,543 ♪ I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars On a collision course ♪ 416 00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:57,546 ♪ I am a satellite, I'm out of control ♪ 417 00:20:57,547 --> 00:21:02,176 ♪ I'm a sex machine Ready to reload like an atom bomb ♪ 418 00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:06,681 ♪ About to oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, explode ♪ 419 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:10,143 ♪ I'm burning through the sky, yeah ♪ 420 00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:54,146 Shh.